"Glossary of Medical Terms" joke

Alternative Medical Terms
Benign... What you be after you be eight.
Artery... The study of paintings.
Bacteria... Back door to cafeteria.
Barium... What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section... A neighborhood in Rome.
Cat scan... Searching for kitty.
Cauterize... Made eye contact with her.
Colic... A sheep dog.
Coma... A punctuation mark.
D & C... Where Washington is.
Dilate... To live long.
Enema... Not a friend.
Fester... Quicker than someone else.
Fibula... A small lie.
Genital... Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series... World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail... What you hang your coat on.
Impotent... Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain... Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff... A Doctor's cane.
Morbid... A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates... Cheaper than day rates.
Node... Was aware of
Outpatient... A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear... A fatherhood test.
Pelvis... Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative... A letter carrier.
Recovery Room... Place to do upholstery.
Rectum... Darn near killed him.
Secretion... Hiding something.
Seizure... Roman emperor.
Tablet... A small table.
Terminal Illness... Getting sick at the Bus Station
Tumor... More than one.
Urine... Opposite of you're out.
Varicose... Near by/close by.
Vein... Conceited.