"God said let there be light, Chuck Noris said say ..." joke

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

An alter boy is in church cleaning the pews when he sees a cripple struggle through the doors of the church and make his way to the font of holy water.
The boy watches as the cripple manages to get up the step, sprinkles holy water on his legs and then throws his crutches more...

During sex last night, my partner whispered in my ear, "Pretend you're my dad."
I was furious.
"You are one sick-minded girl, what a disgusting thing to ask me."
I stormed out of the bedroom and slammed the door.
I mean, you don't expect shit more...

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.