"How to behave when you discover your daughter necking?" joke

HOW TO BEHAVE WHEN YOU DISCOVER YOUR DAUGHTER NECKING IN THE LIVING ROOM:
Wait until the young man has gone home, go into your daughter's room and say to her as follows:
"Miriam."
"Oh, hi, Ma."
"Miriam, I saw. I saw what you were doing in there."
"Oh."
"Miriam, who taught you this?"
"Oh, for God's sake, Ma. I'm a big girl now."
"Miriam, we are decent people. We have always tried to teach you the right thing. How could you do this to us?"
"Ma, for God's sake, I was only kissing..."
"Do you know what your father will do when I tell him? Do you?"
"No, but..."
"He will have a heart attack, that's what he will do. I promise you."
"Look, Ma, you don't have to tell..."
"Not only that, just think what the neighbors would say if they knew."
"Look..."
"For this I had to save your teeth straightened? For this I bought you contact lenses? For this I paid good money to have them teach you how to speak French?"
"Ma..."
"Ach, I don't know what to do with you."
(Pause)
"My own daughter, a streetwalker."
(Pause)
"If you have any consideration for your parents at all, you'll do the only decent thing."
"What's that?"
"You'll leave this house and you'll not come back until you're a virgin."
(By Dan Greenburg, "How to be a Jewish Mother")