"I'm as confused as a" joke
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong more...
Marriage is like a cage: those outside are desperate to get in, and those inside are desperate to get out.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very exciting youth.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all more...
Why is Wednesday called "Hump Day" when most people get laid on the weekends?