"Marriage is like a cage" joke
Marriage is like a cage: those outside are desperate to get in, and those inside are desperate to get out.
When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong more...
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very exciting youth.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all more...
Why is Wednesday called "Hump Day" when most people get laid on the weekends?
It's perfectly okay to have sex on an empty stomach...especially if it belongs to your partner.