"Measuring Up" joke

Upon a mandate from Congress that it was entirely too top-heavy with brass, The Pentagon posted an early retirement bonus. Any general to retire immediately would be guaranteed his full annual benefits-plus $300, 000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on his body that the general chose.

The first general to accept instructed the pension man to measure from the top of his bald spot to the tips of his toes: 6 feet. He walked out with a check for $21. 6 million.

The second general dictated a measurement from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes: 8 feet, 2 inches. His check came to $29. 4 million.

Meantime, the first general had tipped off the third. When asked where to measure, without hesitation the third general told the pension man: "From the tip of my penis to my testicles." The pension man told the general his order would be followed, saluted-and deferred to the medical officer for the measurement.

The medical officer attended and quite officiously placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "Ohmygod!" he spluttered. "Wh-where are your testicles?"

"Vietnam."