"Nothing else will matter anyway" joke

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The
solvent dissolves the adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray
bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set 5 minutes and wash clean. The
alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth
dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills
germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your
safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects
the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse
the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a splash of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol
cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair and stimulates the growth of
healthy hair.
8. Fill a 16-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill
them.
9. Pour 1/2 cup vodka and 1/2 cup water in a freezer bag and freeze for a
slushy, reusable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes...
10. Fill a clean, empty jar with freshly packed lavender flowers. Fill the
jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly, and set it in the sun for 3 days.
Strain liquid, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.
11. Make your own mouthwash by mixing 9 tablespoons powered cinnamon with 1
cup vodka. Seal in an airtight container for 2 weeks. Strain through a
coffee filter. Mix with warm water and rinse your mouth. (DON'T SWALLOW!)
12. Using a cotton swab, apply vodka to a cold sore to help it dry out.
13. If blister opens, pour vodka over the raw skin as a local anesthetic
that also disinfects the exposed dermis.
14. To treat dandruff, mix 1 cup vodka with 2 teaspoons crushed rosemary.
Let sit 2 days, strain through a coffee filter, massage into your scalp and
dry.
15. To treat an earache, put a few drops of vodka in your ear. Let sit for a
few minutes, then drain. Vodka will kill the bacteria causing pain in your
ear.
16. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back
as a liniment.
17. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
18. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
19. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol
oil from your skin.
20. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb
some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

And, my personal favorite...
21. If all else fails, just turn the bottle upside-down and drink it. Then
nothing else will matter anyway!