"Only If It's Raining" joke
One day while sleeping with his neighbor's wife, Ralph heard his neighbor's car pull in the driveway.
"Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window, Ted's home early," she yelled. Ralph looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there."
She cried, "If Ted catches us in here, he will kill both of us!"
So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"
Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."
Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"
Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home."
Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining."
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