Ralph Jokes

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was Work jokes. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump outthe window my husband is home early!" Ralph looked out thewindow and said: "I can't jump out the window! It's raininglike hell out there!" Mary cried: "If my husband catches usin here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbedhis clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outsidehe found himself in the middle of a marathon race... so hestarted running along side the others -- only he was still inthe nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" Ralph answered, while gasping for air: "Oh yes, It feels sofree having the air blow over your skin while you are running." The other runner then asked the nude man: "Do you more...

Ralph, feeling very ill, goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to
the hospital to undergo tests.
After the lengthy exam, he wakes up hungry and quite groggy. Ralph looks about,
noticing that he is now in a private room at the hospital. Just then the phone
by his bed rings...
"This is your doctor," said the serious voice. "We just got the results back
from your battery of tests. Obviously, you have lead a very promiscuous life."
Ralph smiled: "And I've enjoyed every minute!"
The doctor's voice became even more serious: "Well you're not going to enjoy
this; We've found you have an extremely nasty disease called G.A.S.H. It's a
combination of gonorrhea, AIDS, syphilis, and herpes!"
"My gosh, doctor!" said Ralph, now quite worried. "What are you going to do?"
The doctor explained: "The first thing we're going to do is put you on a strict
diet of pizzas, more...

A scene from the movie Ruthless People. It's been a while but I'll try to retell the scene for anyone who hasn't seen it before.
Danny De Vito is in his office behind his desk and is being questioned by some geeky guy (I think a cop) sitting across from him. The phone rings and Danny answers...
Danny: "Hello"
Caller: "Is Debbie there"
Danny: "Debbie? Who's this?"
Caller: "Ralph"
Danny: "Ralph, Debbie's here but can't talk to you right now 'cause she's got my dick in her mouth! Want me to have here call you back when she's done?"
Caller: hangs up
Danny (to the geeky cop who's eyeballs are popping out): "I love wrong numbers!"

Ralph is driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it's
his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present.
He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store and says to the shop
assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"
In a condescending manner, she asks, "Which Barbie?"
She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes
to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes
to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and
Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others
are only $19.95?"
"That's obvious," the sales lady replies. "The Divorced Barbie comes
with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, and Ken's furniture."

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Ralph.
Ralph who?
Ralph! Ralph! Ralph! I'm a dog!