"Thin Foods" joke
Ralph, feeling very ill, goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to
the hospital to undergo tests.
After the lengthy exam, he wakes up hungry and quite groggy. Ralph looks about,
noticing that he is now in a private room at the hospital. Just then the phone
by his bed rings...
"This is your doctor," said the serious voice. "We just got the results back
from your battery of tests. Obviously, you have lead a very promiscuous life."
Ralph smiled: "And I've enjoyed every minute!"
The doctor's voice became even more serious: "Well you're not going to enjoy
this; We've found you have an extremely nasty disease called G.A.S.H. It's a
combination of gonorrhea, AIDS, syphilis, and herpes!"
"My gosh, doctor!" said Ralph, now quite worried. "What are you going to do?"
The doctor explained: "The first thing we're going to do is put you on a strict
diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread."
"How long will I have to be on that diet?"
"For the rest of your life."
"Will that cure me?" asked Ralph.
"Well no," said the doctor, "but, it's the only food we can get under the door."
Two cats: Felix & Un-deux-trois, decided to have a race to see who could swim across the river first.Guess who won? Felix! Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
(Un deux trois quatre cinq)
You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when.... You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. The mosquitoes have landing lights. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car. You have 10 favourite recipes more...
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Quasimodo, the bell-ringer for the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, goes to the cardinal. "Cardinal, I'm getting pretty old and I'd like to retire, and live the rest of my life peacefully." The cardinal says, "That's fine Quasi, we'll just let the town crier know so more...
A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in the cab and notices a monkey on the dashboard.
After a few miles, he asks the driver what the monkey is for.
The driver says "I'll show you," and with that he hits the monkey with the back of his hand, sending more...