"Pet Chicken" joke
An old man with a chicken on his shoulder approaches the movie theater window and asks for two tickets.
"Who will be going in with you sir?" asks the girl at the counter.
"Well, my pet chicken, of course," replies the man.
"I'm sorry, sir," the girl says, "there are no animals allowed in the theater."
The man then goes around the corner, stuffs the chicken down his pants, returns to the window, buys his ticket and enters the theater.
Seated inside the theater, the chicken begins to gets hot and starts squirming, so the man unzips his pants so the chicken can stick its head out and watch the movie.
The woman sitting next to him looks down at his lap and is horrified. She leans over to her friend and whispers, "Hazel, the man next to me just unzipped his pants!"
"Blanche, don't worry about it," Hazel whispers back. "You've seen one, you've seen them all."
"I know that, Hazel," Blanche says, "but this one is eating my POPCORN!"
A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never more...
Two cats: Felix & Un-deux-trois, decided to have a race to see who could swim across the river first.Guess who won? Felix! Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
(Un deux trois quatre cinq)
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist - and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and before long, they were standing before St. Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter more...
2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, more...