"Standing Before St. Peter" joke

A Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist pastor, along with their wives, were on a cruise. Suddenly a tidal wave came out of nowhere, swamped the ship and they all drowned. The next thing they knew, they were standing before St. Peter.
Shaking his head, St. Peter first looked at the Presbyterian and his wife and said, "You cannot enter for you loved money too much. So much so, that you married a woman named Penny."
St. Peter then turned to the Methodist and said, "I'm sorry for you cannot enter either. You loved food far too much. So much so that you married a woman named Candy."
Hearing this, the Baptist nervously turned to his wife and whispered, "It doesn't look good, Fanny."

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 Said, They, Wife, Woman, Religious, Peter, Married, Standing, Named, Cannot, Enter, Baptist, Loved, Presbyterian, Methodist

Hedgehog, Giraffe, Dental Hygeine

Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedghog?
A: A six-foot toothbrush.

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Gullible cop

by TJ

A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

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Women and Toys

A woman's breasts are like a child's toys. They are meant for the child - but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.

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Gas in the restaurant

by Funny J

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and more...

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Aussie Slang

I'm hungry:

"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
"So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread."
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll more...

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Louise:A man walked into the ladies clothing store and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, “I’d like to buy a bra for my wife.” “What type of bra?” asked the clerk. “Type?” inquires the man, “There’s more than one type?” “Look around” said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color, and material imaginable. Actually even with all this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from. Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied, “There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?” Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The saleslady responded, “It is all really quite simple.” The Catholic type supports the masses, The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and The Baptist makes mountains out of molehills. Now, have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stood for, well it’s about time you became informed. A - - Almost boobs B - - Barely there C - - Can’t complain D - - Dang DD - Double Dang E - - Enormous F - - Fake G - - Get a reduction H - - Help me, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! And don’t forget the German bra: Holtzemfromfloppen
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Louise:Don't forget the German bra: Holtzemfromfloppen
Funny Joke? 11 vote(s). 82% are positive. 2 comment(s).