"Teachers VS. Students" joke
Teacher: Paul, what is the chemical formula of water?
Paul: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: What is this?
Paul: Well, you said it is H2O!
Teacher: Mike, get up! How can you sleep in my class?
Mike: I can Mr, if you keep your voice down.
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
Teacher: "Annie! stop showing off! Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Annie: "No, Miss."
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
Pupil: "Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?"
Teacher: "But your parents don't have a computer."
Pupil: "Exactly!"
A student to his teacher: "I haven't got no pencil."
Teacher, correcting him: "You don't have any pencil. He doesn't have any pencils. We don't have any pencils."
Student, with a look of astonishment: "Where have all the pencils gone?"
Teacher to girl: "Why are you late?"
Girl: "I started late from home".
Teacher: "Why didn't you start early?"
Girl: "By the time I woke up, it was too late to start early"
Teacher to the student: Why are you tearing up your homework copy?
Student: To keep the elephants away.
Teacher: But there are no elephants here.
Student: See how effective it is!
Teacher: You weren't at school last Friday, Robert. I heard you were at the movie theatre.
Robert: That's not true, sir. And I've got the tickets from the football game to prove it.
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Did you ever hear the joke about the broken pencil?
Did you ever hear the joke about the broken pencil who?
Nevermind, it's pointless.
It was near the end of basic training and all the soldiers were getting ready for the war games.
A private came charging into his Lieutenant's office and said " Lieutenant, I lost my rifle. What am I going to use for the war games?"
"I don't have time to more...
When is a pencil not a pencil? When it's on a Pentagon shopping list - then it's a "portable hand-held communications inscriber", says a Republican senator.
Little Johnny and Katie are sitting in school.
Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Little Johnny sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!! " more...