"The first profession" joke
After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table.
"Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20."
"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed MP replied.
"You can't make a living on that."
"Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and more...
Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy."
"So more...
A Scotsman was shipwrecked and finally washed ashore on a small island. As he regains consciousness on the beach, he sees a beautiful unclad nymphet standing over him. She asks,' 'Would you like some food?'' The Scot hoarsely croaks,' 'Och, lassie, I havna' ittin a bite in a more...
A worried father confronted his daughter one night.' I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it.'
'Oh no, Daddy,' the daughter replied,' Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness more...
Mr. Smith got himself a new secretary. She was young, pretty, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation she noticed his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said,' Mr. Smith, do you know your barracks door is open?'
He didn't immediately understand her more...