"The older a man gets," joke

Procrastination is like masturbation...
Sure it feels good at first, but then you realize you're only screwing yourself.

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Mondays aren't so bad...it's my job that sucks.

A few choice 1-Liners.


If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
I drive more...

The only time a pie chart is appropriate is at a baker's convention.