"There was a businessman" joke
There was a businessman, and he was not feeling well, so he went to see the doctor about it. The doctor says to him, "Well, it must be your diet, what sort of greens do you eat?" The man replies, "Well, actually, I only eat peas, I hate all other green foods." The doctor was quite shocked at this and says, "Well man, that`s your problem, all those peas will be clogging up your system, you`ll have to give them up!!" The guy says, "But how long for, I mean I really like peas!" The doctor replies, "Forever, I`m afraid." The man is quite shocked by this, but he gives it a go and sure enough, his condition improves, so he realizes that he will never eat a pea again. Anyway, one night, years later, he`s at a convention for his employer and getting quite sloshed and one of the reps says, "Well, ashully, I`d love a cigarette, coz I avint ad a smoke in four years, I gave it up." Quite a shocker really, and the barman goes, "Really, I haven`t had a game of golf in 3 years, because it cost me my first marriage, so I gave it up!" The businessman says, "Thas nuvving, I haven`t ad a pea in 6 years" and the barman jumps up screaming, "Okay, everyone who can`t swim, grab a table..."
Johnny and Jim are walking through the desert. Suddenly, a snake bites Jim`s prick! "AAIIIIIII!!" He panics, and John panics. "What can we do?" "We should call for a doctor." WHAMMM! Suddenly, in the middle of the desert, there`s a telephone box. Johnny goes in, calls a doctor. RING, RING. RING, RING. J: My friend is bitten by a snake. What to do? D: What kind of snake? J: A one meter, green-yellow one. D: Those are very dangerous. J: What can we do? D: The only thing you can do, is to suck the poison out. Otherwise, your friend will be dead within half an hour. Johnny hangs up, goes out off the telephone box. Jim, pale looking already, asks what the doctor said. Johnny: You`ll be dead within half an hour.
A young mother had just given birth to a newborn baby and the nurse was congratulating her when the doctor came in bouncing the baby from hand to hand like a basketball. "Here`s your baby, maam" says the doctor. The doctor then throws the baby on the floor, hurls it up against the wall, picks it up and twirls it around several times, and then drop kicks it straight out of the 10th floor window. Totally bewildered, the woman gives out a loud shriek and hollers, "My God!!! What have you done to my baby?!?!!!" The doctor chuckles a little to himself and says, "April Fools!!! He was already dead!"
A blond guy visits the hospital. "I want to be castrated!" he demands cheerfully. "Are you sure about this?" the doctor asks. "Have you discussed it with your wife?" "Yes, yes! I`ve thought about this for a long time. Let`s get it over with!" So, the operation is performed. Since it`s relatively simple, the blond guy only has to stay in the hospital for two days. On his way home, he meets a friend. "Well, hello! I haven`t seen you for a couple of days," his friend says. "No, I`ve been to the hospital," replies the blond. "Well, that`s funny. I`m on my way there right now!" "Really? So, what`s up?" "I`m going to be vaccinated." "Oh, shit!! That`s what it`s called!"
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