Pea Jokes

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

A magician was driving down the road.. then he turned into a drive way...

Why don't aliens eat clowns.
Because they taste funny.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other: "Funny, I smell carrots too".

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, on of the muffins says:
"Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!!!"

There was a businessman, and he was not feeling well, so he went to see the doctor about it. The doctor says to him, "Well, it must be your diet, what sort of greens do you eat?" The man replies, "Well, actually, I only eat peas, I hate all other green foods." The doctor was quite shocked at this and says, "Well man, that`s your problem, all those peas will be clogging up your system, you`ll have to give them up!!" The guy says, "But how long for, I mean I really like peas!" The doctor replies, "Forever, I`m afraid." The man is quite shocked by this, but he gives it a go and sure enough, his condition improves, so he realizes that he will never eat a pea again. Anyway, one night, years later, he`s at a convention for his employer and getting quite sloshed and one of the reps says, "Well, ashully, I`d love a cigarette, coz I avint ad a smoke in four years, I gave it up." Quite a shocker really, and the barman goes, more...

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

Why don't aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other: "Funny, I smell carrots too".
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no
Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.
Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
Cause he was caught with seaweed.
The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.
Boys are like parking spaces the good ones are take-in!!!!
What did one ghost say to another?
Do you believe in people?

What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Eveybody can roast beef.