"Upgrading" joke

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 6. 0 to Wife 1. 0 and found
that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other
applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1. 0 also is spawning
Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources.

No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product
brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that
this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that,
Wife 1. 0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system
initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding
that some applications such as PokerNight 10. 3, BeerBash 2. 5, and
PubNight 7. 0 are no longer able to run, crashing the system when selected
(even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1. 0
automatically installs undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55. 8 and
BrotherInLaw Beta release. As a consequence system performance seems
to diminish with each passing day.

Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming wife 2. 0:

- A "Don't remind me again" button
- Minimize button
- An install shield feature that allows Wife 2. 0 to be installed with the
option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other
system resources.
- An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which
would allow the systems hardware probe feature to have greater use.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1. 0 by
sticking with Girlfriend 2. 0. Even here, however, I found many problems.
Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2. 0 on top of Girlfriend 1. 0. You
must uninstall Girlfriend 1. 0 first. Other users say this is a long
standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of
Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think
they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse,

The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1. 0 doesn't work very well leaving
undesirable traces of the application in the system.

Another annoying problem -- all versions of Girlfriend continually popup
annoying messges about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1. 0

***** BUG WARNING ********
Wife 1. 0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1. 1
before uninstalling Wife 1. 0, Wife 1. 0 will delete MSMoney files before
executing a self - uninstallation. Then Mistress 1. 1 will refuse to
install, claiming insufficient system resources.

*** BUG WORK-AROUNDS ***************
To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1. 1 on a different system
and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6. 0. Also,
beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry
viruses that may affect Wife 1. 0.

Another solution would be to run Mistress 1. 0 via a UseNet provider under
an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can
accidently be downloaded from the UseNet.