"WOMEN'S GUIDE TO PLAIN ENGLISH" joke

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry
"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy
"I'm tired" = I'm tired
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you
"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you" = Let's have sex now
"I love you, too" = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn't look any different!
"Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
"I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!