"Weather Comparisons" joke

+50 degrees Fahrenheit
* New York tenants try to turn on the heat
* People from Ontario plant gardens+40
* Californians shiver uncontrollably
* Albertans sunbathe+35
* Italian cars don't start+32
* Distilled water freezes+30
* You can see your breath
* You plan a vacation in Florida
* Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
* Manitobans eat ice cream+25
* Lake Ontario water freezes
* Californians weep pitiably
* Cat insists on sleeping on your bed+20
* New York water freezes
* San Franciscans start thinking favourably of L.A.
* Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts+15
* You plan a vacation in Acapulco
* Cat insists on sleeping IN your bed with you
* B.C. residents go swimming+10
* Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
* Too cold to snow
* You need jumper cables to get the car going0
* New York landlords turn on the heat
* Newfoundlanders grill hot dogs on the patio, yum!-5
* You can HEAR your breath
* You plan a vacation in Hawaii-10
* American cars don't start
* Too cold to skate-15
* You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
* People from Miami cease to exist
* Canadians lick flagpoles-20
* Politicians actually do something about the homeless
* People in NWT and Yukon think about taking down screens-25
* Too cold to kiss
* You need jumper cables to get the driver going
* Japanese cars don't start
* Ottawa Rough Riders head for spring training-30
* You plan a two-week hot bath
* Pilsener freezes
* Bock beer production begins
* NWT residents shovel snow off roof-38
* Mercury freezes
* Too cold to think
* Canadians do up their top button-40
* Californians disappear
* Your CAR insists on sleeping in your bed with you
* Quebecers put on sweaters-50
* Congressional hot air freezes
* Alaskans close the bathroom window
* Green Bay Packers practice indoors-60
* Walruses abandon Aleutians
* Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season"
* Ontarians put gloves away, take out mittens
* Boy Scouts in Saskatchewan start Klondike Derby-70
* Glaciers in Central Park
* Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
* Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste. Marie-80
* Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
* Girl Scouts in Saskatchewan start Klondike Derby-90
* Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
* Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
* Ontarians migrate to New York thinking it MUST be warmer south of the
border-100
* Santa Claus abandons North Pole
* Canadians pull down earflaps-173
* Ethyl alcohol freezes-297
* Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere
* Microbial life survives only on dairy products-445
* Superconductivity-452
* Helium becomes a liquid-454
* Hell freezes over-456
* Quebec drivers drop below 150 KPH on highways-458
* Jean Cretien renounces a campaign contribution-460 (absolute zero)
* All atomic motion ceases
* Canadians start saying how it's a tad nippy outside