"What I want in a man (a female perspective)" joke

What I Want in a Man - Original List
Handsome
Charming
Financially successful
A caring listener
Witty
In good shape
Dresses with style
Appreciates finer things
Full of thoughtful surprises
An imaginative, romantic lover
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
Opens car doors, holds chairs
Has enough money for a nice dinner
Listens more than talks
Laughs at my jokes
Carries bags of groceries with ease
Owns at least one tie
Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
Seeks romance at least once a week
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
Not too ugly (bald head OK)
Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
Nods head when I'm talking
Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
Remembers to put the toilet seat down
Shaves most weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
Doesn't belch or scratch in public
Doesn't borrow money too often
Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
Appreciates a good TV dinner
Remembers your name on occasion
Shaves some weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
Doesn't scare small children
Remembers where bathroom is
Doesn't require much money for upkeep
Only snores lightly when asleep
Remembers why he's laughing
Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
Usually wears some clothes
Likes soft foods
Remembers where he left his teeth
Remembers that it's the weekend
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
Breathing
Doesn't miss the toilet