"Why cucumbers are better than men" joke

You can enjoy a cucumber all night long.
You don't have to drink wine and dine with a cucumber before getting to the fun stuff.
Your cucumber will always wait patiently for you in the car while you go shopping.
When your cucumber goes soft you toss it.
Cucumbers can't tell time, so they don't know when you're late.
A cucumber doesn't get jealous when you grab another cucumber (or even a carrot!)
When you go to the grocery store, you can always pick up a cucumber.
A cucumber won't get upset if you come home with another cucumber on your breath (or a fresh leafy vegetable in your pocket).
If you eat a cucumber right, you always have a mouthful.
You can have more than one cucumber a night and not feel guilty (they're low in calories)
A cucumber always goes down easy.
You can share a cucumber with friends.
You always know when you're the first one to eat a cucumber.
A cucumber is always hard.
You can have a cucumber in public
A frigid cucumber is a fresh cucumber.
You don't have to wash a cucumber before it tastes good.
The older a cucumber, the larger it gets.
Cucumbers don't fool around.
You can keep a cucumber in your apartment without upsetting your mother.
Cucumbers can't get you pregnant.
Cucumbers don't get drunk (although they have been known to get pickled now and then)