"Words of the Wise" joke

WORDS OF THE WISE

1. The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Franklin P. Jones

2. Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. - Woody Allen

3. Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they ticked me off.

4. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

5. All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. - Jane Wagner

8. What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. - Richard Harkness, The NewYork Times, 1960

9. Women's creed: Men are like linoleum. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for 20 years. - unknown NOW member

10. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

12. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. - Douglas Adams

14. Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove. - Ashleigh Brilliant

23.' Sure, everyone always said' Socrates, what is the meaning of life?' or' Socrates, how can I find happiness?', but did anyone ever say' Socrates, hemlock is poison.'???' - Socrates minutes before death.

25. Definition of Stress: The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's desire to beat or choke the living crap out of some jerk who desperately needs it.

26. Television is called a medium. This is because it is neither rare nor well done.

27. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

30. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.