"You Might Be A Lutheran If... #4" joke
...you talk to someone else and look at their shoes first.. ..you have more than three friends whose first names have the letter "j" as the second letter.. ..the only open pew is up front, so you volunteer to shovel the sidewalk.. ..Ole and Lena are really the names of your relatives.. ..you know what a Lutheran Church Basement Woman is.. ..you give a party and don't tell anyone where it is.. ..you think hotdish is one of the major food groups.. ..your five-year-old recites the Old Testament books as Genesis, Exodus, Lutefisk...
The pastor at Sven and Ole`s church was giving a rousing heaven or hell sermon one Sunday. At the end, minister commands "Whoever wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everyone except Sven and Ole stand. The pastor walks over to them, looks them directly in the eye and more...
When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. more...
...a midlife crisis means switching from the old hymnbook to the new one.. ..you forget to put water in the baptismal font but never forget to put water in the coffee pot.. ..the pastor skips the last hymn to make sure church lasts exactly 60 minutes.. ..you make spaghetti at more...
...your LCMS pastor refers to St. Louis as "the holy city.". ..at Thanksgiving you serve lutefisk and try to convince your kids it's really a turkey.. ..you're at an evangelistic rally and you actually manage to raise your hands waist high.. ..the only mealtime prayer more...
...doughnuts are in the official church budget.. ..they have to rope off the last pews in church so the front isn't empty.. ..you're watching "Star Wars" in the theatre and when they say, "May the force be with you," the theatre replies, "and also with more...