"You know you're having a bad day when..." joke

You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.
The little league puts you on waivers.
Your suggestion box starts ticking.
Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.
You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.
The moths in your money belt starve to death.
People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.
Your wife starts charging you rent.
A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.
You see your wife and your girlfriend having lunch together.
The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.
Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.
The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.
A copy of your birth certificate comes in the mail marked null and void.
The department of biological warfare ask for your stew recipe.
Your children's school calls to surrender.
You can't afford to drive your new car.
It takes you three hours to make minute rice.
You're so bored you play hide & seek alone.
The fortune teller charges you half price.
People give you the senior citizen discount and you're only 37.
Your wife takes the dog on vacation and leaves you at the kennels.
You find a note on the table instead of supper.
Your wife tapes your picture to the dart board.
The bribes family throws rocks instead of rice.
Your wife is sitting on the stove holding a picket sign.
Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map.
Your plants do better when you don't talk to them.
The house is messy again before you can finish cleaning.
Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open.
Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
Everyone avoids you the mor