"Your Captain Might Be A Redneck If..." joke

Your Captain Might Be A Redneck If... Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a monthHe paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacellesYou have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"He refers to Klingons as "Critters"He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foilThere is a stuffed possum in the Ready RoomHe installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer sectionHe says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"He resigned his command because he always wanted to own a fireworks standHe hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreenHe rewires his communicator into his belt buckleHe replicates items from the Graceland gift shopThe primary colour of the Starship is "bondo"He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above itHe says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "E"gage"He can't wait to go off-duty, so he can wear his favourite baseball capHe has a hand-tooled holster for his phaserHe's ever been too drunk to use the TransporterHis Starfleet uniform has a slogan on itHe sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"He tries to pick up alien women with animal noises and seductive tongue gesturesVisiting dignitaries have heard about his giant beer can collectionHe programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greensHe calls his second-in-command "Buddy", instead of "Number One"He watches professional wrestling on the main viewscreenHis orders to set coordinates include the phrase "Over yonder"He paints the starship John Deere greenHe refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"There is a spit cup attached to his command chairHe refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"His moonshine is stronger than Romulan AleHe sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"He grabs an Ensign and says "Lookit this before I flush it!"His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overallsHe wears mirrored shades on the BridgeHis idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans & weenies

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