"one-liner" joke

What's the definition of mixed emotions?
- When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
What's the height of conceit?
- Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
What's the definition of macho?
- Jogging home from your own vasectomy
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
- One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.
Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
- Because it scares the heck out of the dog.
How do you double the value of a Yugo?
- You fill it with gas.
What do the LAPD and the Green Bay Packers have in common?
- Neither of them can stop a Bronco.
Have you heard George Michael's new song?
- It's called Zip Me Up Before You Go Go
I walked in a bar the other day and ordered a double.
- The bartender brings out a guy who looks just like me.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
- Anyone can roast beef.
What is forty feet long and has eight teeth?
- The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.
What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
- God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
What's the weather like in Tahoe?
- Gloomy all over and Sonny around one tree.