Milk Jokes / Recent Jokes

FEUDALISM You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need. FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. PURE COMMUNISM You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you more...

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully.
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.
However, I’m certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us…
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads: “These toys more...

When should you feed yetis milk to a baby? When it`s a baby yeti.

The young lady entered the doctor's office carrying an infant.
"Doctor," she explained, "the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week."
The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the lady's breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on one nipple.
"Young lady," he finally announced, "no wonder the baby is losing weight, you haven't any milk!"
"Of course not!" she shrieked. "It's not my child, it's my sister's!"

Now that it's '88, it's time for some political nonsense (redundant?)
A LESSON IN POLITICAL SCIENCE
SOCIALISM - You have two cows. The government takes one to give
to someone else.
COMMUNISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and gives
you the milk.
FASCISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and sells
you the milk.
NAZISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY - You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one
and pours the milk down the drain.
CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
ANARCHY - steal neighbour's bull, shoot the government.

What's that drink you're mixing?" the stranger asked the bartender in the exotic Caribbean bar.
"I call this a rum dandy," said the bartender.
"What's in it?" asked the stranger.
"Sugar, milk and rum," said the barkeep.
"Is it good?" asked the stranger.
"Sure," said the bartender. "The sugar gives you pep, the milk gives you energy."
"And the rum?" asked the stranger.
"Ideas about what to do with all that pep and energy."

by Robert Chen
You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
1. Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Sip some soda up and spray it on the person next to you. Pretend nothing happened.
2. Don't go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.
3. Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.
4. After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, "Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?"
5. Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.
6. Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil more...