1000 Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young man goes off to college, but about one-third of the way through the semester, he's foolishly squandered the money his parents had given him.
"Hmmmm," he wonders. "How am I going to go about getting more dough?" Then, he gets and idea and phones his father.
"Dad, you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with!" he says. "Why, they have a program here that will teach Rex how to talk!"
"That's amazing!" exclaims his father. "How do I get him in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1000," the son says, "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, he runs out of money. He calls his father again.
"So, how's Rex doing, son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this, they've had such more...
A college student his mother and asked her for some money. His mother said that she would send him money and mentioned that he had left his calculus book when when he visited two weeks ago and asked if she should send it too. "Uhh, oh yeah, o.k." Responded the student. Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package,kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "How much did you give the boy this time? Mom replied, "I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $1000." "That's $1020!" yelled Dad. "Are you crazy?" "Don't worry hon," Mum said, as she kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!"
There were 3 men who died and before God would let them into heaven, he gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted. The first guy said " I want to come back as myself, but 100 times smarter. So God made him 100 times smarter. The second guy said "I want to be better than that guy, make me 1000 times smarter. So God made him 1000 times smarter. The last guy decided he would be the best. So he said "God, make me better than both of them, make me 1, 000, 000 times smarter. So God made him a woman! !
The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how much time was remaining before the end of a test, a real charmer. Since he was so busy galavanting around the room making sure that nobody cheated and that everyone was aware of how much time they had left before their failure on the test was complete, he had the students stack the completed tests on the huge podium at the front of the room. This made for quite a mess, remember there were 1000 students in the class.
there was a guy who went to a bar he told the clerk what is that donkey doing in here the clerk said i will give you $1000 if you make him laugh.theguy went over to the donkey whispered something in his ear then the donkey burst out laughing. the guy left with his $1000. the next day the guy went in the store and the guy asked the clerk what is that donkey still doing here the clerk said i will give you $1 million if you make him cry the guy went over to the donkey whispered something in the donkey"s ear the donkey started to cry the guy left with his $1million.the guy came back the next day and said where is the donkey? the clerk said the donkey had died of depression the clerk said what did you say to the donkey the guy said i told him that my penis is bigger then his that is what made him laugh then i showed him my penis nd saw that it really was bigger than his that is what made him cry
There was a married couple having communication problems, so they decide to see a shrink. He recommends the husband get an animal he can talk to, preferably something that can talk back.
So the husband (Bob) goes to the local pet store to purchase a parrot. What better animal to have a conversation with than a parrot?
Anyway, he asks the sales clerk for a parrot. The Clerk says he has one that can say about 2000 words, for $1000. Bob doesn't want to spend that much, so the clerk says he has a parrot that says about 1000 words, for $500. Still a litttle expensive, Bob decides. OK, the clerk says, We aren't supposed to sell him, but you really seem to want a parrot. We have one in the back that can speak about 5000 words, about as well as any person. The only thing is that it was born with a birth defect. Instead of legs, it has a six-inch penis it uses to grapple to perch. Five bucks. Bob buys it, names it Joe, and takes joe home.
After a few months, bob and joe are the more...