3000 Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the City of Istanbul, the Council authrorised Mayor Cornelius to receive tenders and award a contract to erect a fountain.
Tenderer Ricaldo submitted a tender for $3000. The breakdown being; $1000 for labour, $1000 for materials and $ 1000 profit.
Almeida submitted a tender for $6000. Labour $2000, Material $2000 and profit $2000.
Fernando submitted a tender for $9000. $3000 for tenderer Fernando as profit. $3000 for mayor Cornelius for the trouble. $3000 for tenderer - Ricaldo to erect the fountain.

Fernado, of course got the contract.

An old lady walks into a plastic surgeon's office and tells him she wants a facelift. He says "Well, we have three models. The first is for $1000 and is guaranteed for one year, the second is $3000 and is guaranteed for 3 years and the last is $5000 and it is guaranteed for 5 years."
The old lady says "Well tell me about them."
The doctor says, "For $1000 you are going to get a half-ass job that you pay very little for."
She responds, "Forget that one, what about the next one."
He explains, "For $3000 we do a much better job and pay close attention to detail, but it is only guaranteed for 3 years."
The lady says, "No, that's no good either, what about the last one."
The doctor replies, "For $5000 you are going to get the best facelift with a feature that is on the cutting edge of plastic surgery. There will be a screw attached to the back of your head and if you notice your face sagging, more...

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The store owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats. "The one on the left costs $500," says the store owner. "Why so much?" asks the customer.
"Because it can program in C," answers the store owner. The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, "That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology."
The startled man then asks about the third monkey. "That one costs $3000," answers the store owner.
"3000 dollars!!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."

An old lady walks into a plastic surgeon's office and tells him she wants a facelift. He says "Well, we have three models. The first is for $1000 and is guaranteed for one year, the second is $3000 and is guaranteed for 3 years and the last is $5000 and it is guaranteed for 5 years."
The old lady says "Well tell me about them."
The doctor says, "For $1000 you are going to get a half-ass job that you pay very little for."
She responds, "Forget that one, what about the next one."
He explains, "For $3000 we do a much better job and pay close attention to detail, but it is only guaranteed for 3 years."
The lady says, "No, that's no good either, what about the last one."
The doctor replies, "For $5000 you are going to get the best facelift with a feature that is on the cutting edge of plastic surgery. There will be a screw attached to the back of your head and if you notice your face sagging, just come more...

A man wanting to buy a monkey entered a Silicon Valley Pet Shop. The shop owner pointed him to three identical looking monkeys in politically correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats.
"The monkey on the left is $500," said the shop owner. "Why so much?" asked the man.
"Well, that one can program in C," replied the owner.
The man then looked at the next monkey. "That one there is $1500 because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology," explained the owner.
The man then asked about the third monkey. "Oh, that one is $3000," answered the owner.
"What! $3000! What can that one do?" exclaimed the man.
"In all honesty," the owner replied, "I've never seen it do a single thing, but it does call itself a Consultant."