50 Jokes

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. 3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush. 4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald." 5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
6. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
7. If it's attention you want, don't get more...

1) SIMPLE DUTIES-
You go out to buy her flowers: +5
But return with beer: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night: You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5 You pummel it with a six iron: +10 It's her cat: -10

2) SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party: 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy: -2
Named Tiffany: -4
Tiffany is a dancer: -6
Tiffany has implants: -8

3) SATURDAY AFTERNOONS-
You visit her parents: +1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3 And the television is off: -6 You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear:-6 And you didn't even go to college: -10 And it's not really your underwear: -15

4) HER BIRTHDAY-
You take her out to dinner: 0
You take her more...

THE MAN'S POINTS SYSTEM

For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it
is:

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman
happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she
dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing
something she expects... Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed...+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the
decorative pillows... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled
sheets...-1 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty
liners with wings...+5 But return with beer. ..-5 You check out a
suspicious noise at night. .. 0 You check out a suspicious noise and
it's nothing... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's
something....+5 You pummel it with a six iron....+10 It's her
father...-10 You leave the toilet seat more...

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.
4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald."
5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
6. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
7. If it's attention you want, don't more...