Absence Jokes / Recent Jokes
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
To: All Employees
From: Personnel Department
RE: ABSENTEEISM
It has been brought to the attention of the Board that the attendance record of our company is a disgrace. It has now become necessary to revise some of our policies. The following changes take place immediately.
SICKNESS: No excuse. We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof, as we believe that if you are able to get to the doctor you are able to come to work.
DEATH: (Other than your own.) This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for the deceased, and we are sure that someone with a lesser number of obligations can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held late in the afternoon we will be glad to let you off one hour early, provided that you work is sufficiently ahead so that you won't inconvenience other employees by your absence.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE (For an operation.) We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thought that you might more...
Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to overcome it.
This is one of my favourites, it has been circulated around offices for goodness know how long. Hope you enjoy it. (actually hope you haven't seen it before).
TO ALL STAFF:
NEW SICK LEAVE POLICY:
Frequent absenteeism has forced introduction of the following changes effective immediately:
SICKNESS: No excuse for absence. We will not accept your doctor's certificate as proof. If you are unable to visit your doctor, you will have to be prepared to submit to thorough examination by your department or branch manager at your home on the day you report sick.
DEATH: (other than your own): This is not an excuse. There is nothing you can do for the deceased and we are sure that someone else in a lesser position can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held late in the afternoon, we will be glad to let you off 20 minutes early-provided your work is sufficiently advanced to keep the job going in your absence.
LEAVE FOR AN OPERATION: This is not an more...
Despite winning 5 awards, Taylor Swift was not present for the 2009 American Music Awards. When her publicist was reached for a comment, Kanye West interrupted and said Michael Jackson had the best absence from the AMA's