According Jokes / Recent Jokes
It's no wonder President Clinton is in so much trouble, according to Executive Mystic Barrie Dolnick. Just look at Bill's astrological chart. Dolnick insists that a "career crisis" is in the stars, and predicts a "slight possibility" of impeachment. Fortunately, says Dolnick, Clinton can ward off these negative influences by "smudging his office with sage after hours, sprinkling sea salt along the doorway, and wearing red or silk undershirts for his protection..."
Or he could try a more drastic approach: a Honduran man castrated himself with a machete because he was "frustrated" that his wife refused to have sex with him. The Heraldo Daily said Juan Varels cut off both his testicles and "put them on a table." After careful consideration, Varels "grabbed them" and went to a health center to have them reattached...
On a sad note, the Psychic Friends Network filed bankruptcy in Baltimore this week. According to court more...
According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, its getting worse. Following last weeks news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale, and it is (you guessed it!) going for a song. Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived, and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.
According to the Alaskan Department of Fish and game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers' till after they give birth in the spring.Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen had to be a girl.We should've known! Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, and NOT GET LOST.
1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why?
- Paul Lynde: He's out of town
2. Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie,' What's The Matter With Helen?' Who plays Helen?
- Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver-that's why they asked the question
3. What are' dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't?
- Paul Lynde: They give milk. .. and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies
4. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
- Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
5. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
- Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him
6. Robert Young recently stated,' I never, never give. ..' something to his fans who ask for it. What?
- Paul Lynde: A hysterectomy
7. James more...
Santa's Reindeer are girls and here's the proof:
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer, each year male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen... had to be a girl!
We should've known. Only women would be able to drag a fatman in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, and not get lost!
Santa's Reindeer are girls and here's the proof:According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer, each year male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen... had to be a girl! We should've known. Only women would be able to drag a fatman in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, and not get lost!