Actor Jokes / Recent Jokes
One agent stops by another agent's table to tell him the big news: "Elvis just died!"
The second agent says nothing, then starts nodding. "Good career move."
"Any Club That'd Have Me for a Member..."
Denied membership in an exclusive country club because he was an actor, biblical epic star Victor Mature is reported to have said "Hell, I'm no actor, and I've got thirty movies to prove it!"
A guy named Penis von Lesbian came from Austria to America to become an actor.
He went to lots of auditions, but never got a job.
Finally one director took him aside and said,' Son, the only reason we're turning you away is your name. If you want to make it in this town, you gotta change the name!'
But Penis von Lesbian said:' I can't do that! This is my name!'
The director said:' Suit yourself!' and went on his way.
Years and years later, their paths crossed again. The director said,' I remember you! You're Penis von Lesbian! Did you ever get around to changing your name?'
The actor said,' Yes, and it helped! Now I go by Dick Van Dyke.'
An actor went to see a new agent one day and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative. So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agents desk.`So you do bird impressions, said the agent, `what else can you do?
It was a hot day and a Hollywood star told a visiting Asian actor he knew of a secluded place where they can go skinny dipping. While they were enjoying the cool water, a busload of women suddenly appeared. Both men made a beeline for their towels. The Hollywood star wrapped his towel around his waist, while the Asian actor wrapped his towel around his head. There was a great deal of laughter coming from the women. They were hysterical. Afterwards, when there was only the two of them, the Hollywood star asked his guest why he wrap his towel around his head, instead of around his waist and he replied, Where I come from we identify with our faces.
A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again.`Whats the matter? asked the director.`I cant jump from that board! said the actor. `Do you know theres only one foot of water in that pool? Yes, said the director. `We dont want you to drown, you know.
Knock KnockWhos there! Actor! Actor who? Actor you, my dear Alphonse!