Actuary Jokes / Recent Jokes

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.
The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.
She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up.
Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary.
"Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?"
The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand."
She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same more...

A casualty actuary priced an automobile "Fire and Theft" policy with an extremely low premium. When asked why it was so cheap, he said, "Who would steal a burnt car?"

A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $10, 000.

The second actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked how he arrived at such a small figure,

he replied, "I have this situation in the fire schedule rating table. The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler, isn't it?"

What's the difference between an insurance company actuary and a mafia actuary?

An insurance company actuary can tell you how many people will die this year, a mafia actuary can name them.

What's the difference between an actuary and an accountant?

An actuary does much the same thing as an accountant but lacks the accountant's bright and vivacious personality.