Admission Jokes

A blonde appeared at the Pearly Gates seeking admission. The gate keeper said there was a test that had to be passed before continuing to paradise, and that the test consisted of three questions.
The blonde said, "Go ahead, ask the questions."
"O.K." said the angel. "For the first question, tell me which two days of the week begin with the letter T."
"That's easy", said the candidate for admission. "Today and Tomorrow."
"Hmmmm", said the angel. "Well I can't argue with that. Now for the second question, tell me how many seconds there are in a year."
"There are twelve", said the candidate.
"Twelve?!" exclaimed the angel. "How do you figure that?"
"Well, there's January second, February second, March second, etc."
"O.K." mused the angel. "For the third question, tell me God's first name."
"God's first name is more...

When seeking admission to the celestial abode, the care taker angel gave me a piece of chalk directing me to mark a cross upon each step of the ladder for each sin committed. I was consciously complying accordingly, ascending. I accosted a beautiful vivacious lady, elegantly attried, descending and asked, "Why, have you not been accorded admission?" She merely replied, "The chalk is finished.

As part of the hospital's admission procedure, patients are asked if they are allergic to anything. If so, it's printed on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrist.
When an elderly woman was being admitted, she was asked if she had any allergies and she said she couldn't eat bananas.
Several hours later, the elderly woman's son stormed over to the nurses' station, demanding, "Who's reponsible for labelling my mother 'bananas'?"

Admission Of Women To Golf Club Skyline Golf Club Memo to all members! Re: The admission of women to the club. Since the admission of women to the club, members are asked to obey the following rules. 1. Ladies are prohibited from touching the gentlemen's balls either with hands or club. 2. Players are requested to remain silent during the short strokes. 3. All players with partners are requested to come together. When the lady partner comes first, the gentleman must not delay his strokes but continue playing. 4. In cases where a long position is impossible, the players may so choose a new position. 5. Players deciding on a new lay must start at least a club's length from the hole. 6. Members are requested to stay out of any hole, showing signs of recent repair or undergoing monthly overhaul until the red flag has been lifted. 7. All holes must be kept clean at all times. 8. Members are also urged to use reasonable precautions at all times as the Management cannot be held responsible more...

A young man died and went to Heaven, where he was the third person in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Pete was taking a break, so an angel was admitting the newly arrived into Heaven. Trying to get a little more strict with the admission policies, the angel said they each had to state their former occupations and yearly salaries.The first man in line said, "I was an actor and I earned $1 million last year." The angel ushered him in.The woman behind him said, "I earned $150,000 last year as an attorney." The angel thought about it for a moment, then ushered her in as well.The young man moved up to the gates. "I only earned $8,000 last year..." he began."Oh," the angel interrupted, "and what subject did you teach?"