Ads Jokes / Recent Jokes
These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world.
Whirlpool built in oven - frost free!
Frozen soft & gentle bath tissue - 4 rolls 99 cents
American flag - 60 stars - pole included - $100
Tired of working for only $9. 75 per hour? we offer profit sharing and flexible hours. starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.
Notice: To person or persons who took the large pumpkin on highway 87 near southridge storage. Please return the pumpkin and be checked. Pumpkin may be radioactive. All other plants in vincinity are dead.
The most romantic love songs of the ’50s: including “16 tons” by tennessee ernie ford
Exercise equipment queen size mattress & box spring - $175.
Our sofa seats the whole mob - and it’s made of 100% italian leather.
Joining nudist colony, must sell washer & dryer - $300.
Found: dirty white dog…looks like a rat…been out awhile… better be a reward.
These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world.
For sale: lee majors (6 million dollar man) - $50
Nordic track $300 - hardly used - call chubbie at:
Bill’s septic cleaning - “we haul american made products”
Shakespeare’s pizza - free chopsticks
Hummels - largest selection ever - “if it’s in stock, we have it! ”
President’s choice - cow manure - 2 33lb bags - $5
Harrisburg postal employees gun club
Georgia peaches - california grown - 89 cents lb.
Nice parachute - never opened - used once - slightly stained
These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world.
Snow blower for sale…only used on snowy days.
2 wire mesh butchering gloves, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15
Tickle me elmo, still in box, comes with it’s own 1988 mustang, 5l, auto, excellent condition $6800
Tickle me elmo. new in box. hardly tickled. $700
Valentines day sale: ty-d-bol blue toss-ins
Star wars job of the hut - $15
Do something special for your valentine - have your septic tank pumped.
Full sized mattress. 20 yr warranty. like new. slight urine smell.
Free 1 can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 br 2 bth home.
These four classified ads appeared in a newspaper on four consecutive days. The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day`s mistake...
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MONDAY: For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs Mani who lives with him cheap.
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TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred in Vishanth`s ad yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 98407 16581 and ask for Mrs Mani, who lives with him after 7PM."
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WEDNESDAY: Notice: Vishanth has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of t he error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale; Cheap. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs. Mani who loves with him.
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THURSDAY: Notice: I, Vishanth, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don`t call more...
*** How to interpret employment ads
"Competitive Salary" - We remain competitive by paying less
than our competitors.
"Join Our Fast Paced Company" - We have no time to train
you.
"Casual Work Atmosphere" - We don't pay enough to expect
that you will dress up.
"Must be Deadline Oriented" - You will be six months behind
schedule on your first day.
"Some Overtime Required" - Some time each night, some time
each weekend.
"Duties will Vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you
around.
"Must have an Eye for Detail" - We have no quality control.
"Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience" - You
will need to replace three people who just left.
"Problem Solving Skills a Must" - You are walking into a
company in perpetual chaos. Haven't heard a word from more...
Actual Personal Ads taken from Israeli newspapers
Attractive Jewish woman, 35, college graduate, seeks successful Jewish Prince Charming to get me out of my parents' house. POB 46
Shul Gabbai, 36. I take out the Torah Saturday morning. Would like to take you out Saturday night. Please write. POB 81
Couch potato latke, in search of the right applesauce. Let's try it for eight days. Who knows? POB 43.
Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with, light shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important. POB 658
Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B'av, Taanis Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Asar B'Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the "fast" lane. POB 90
Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman. POB 43
Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan! Write. POB more...
International Marketing - Actual Accounts Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example... The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth." In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead." Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat more...