Africa Jokes / Recent Jokes

From the rehu-l list where it had been posted from the Whim list.
From "American Demographics" magazine:
Here's a look at how shrewd American business people translate their slogans into foreign languages:
When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked."
Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."
When Vicks first introduced its cough drops on the German market, they were chagrined to learn that the German pronunciation of "v" is f - which makes "Vicks" in German the phonetic equivalent of "sexual penetration."
Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried more...

There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief says, "Yeah". When asked where the crew was the Chief replied, "We ate the crew and drank the Pepsi." The Rescue crew was shocked. One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs and we drank the Pepsi." Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi". After looking totally perplexed for a minute a third added, "Did you... you know... eat their.... things"?? The chief says, "No." "No?" asked the more...

The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through thebrush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks theass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says,"Hey! Cut it out, alright!"The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turnsaround and cuffs the rear tiger and says,"I said stop it!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?" The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to getthe taste out of my mouth!"

Actual bloopers found on church bulletin boards:Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.Missionary more...

Quotes from D. C. Mayor Marion Barry
" The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" Bitch set me up."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
" The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is more...

A British Man, a French man, and an American man are on a safari in Africa, and they are taken prisoner by a savage group of villagers. As they're being brought to the village, they are told that death was their only option, however, they each had their choice of the method they would use to kill themselves. The British man requested a pistol, and cried out "Long live the queen!" as he blew his brains out. The two others watched in horror as the savages flayed the man and made his skin into a canoe. The French man was next, and he requested a Saber. "Vive le France" was what he cried out as he disemboweled himself. The American guy watched again what they did with his body, as they made his skin into a canoe. The last guy, the American guy requested a fork in which to kill himself. As soon as it was handed to him, he started stabbing himself violently as he screamed "So much for your fucking canoe!"

There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief says, "Yeah". When asked where the crew was the Chief replied, "We ate the crew and drank the Pepsi." The Rescue crew was shocked. One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs and we drank the Pepsi." Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi". After looking totally perplexed for a minute a third added, "Did you...you know...eat their....things"?? The chief says, "No." "No?" asked the rescuers. more...