Afternoon Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, someone phoned Central Manhattan Office.
Caller: Good afternoon. I'm John Smith.
Operator: GOOD AFTERNOON! CAN I HELP YOU?
Caller: Who are you? Why are you so rude?
Operator: WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Caller: I am looking for my sister, Gabrielle Smith. She works here, right?
Operator: SHE IS IN THE TOILET!
Caller: Okay. Now I want to know who you are. Why are you so rude?
Operator: I'M SAW LEE!
Caller: Oh, you should be sorry because you are so rude!
Then the caller hung up the phone.
*Try to pronounce "SAW LEE". It sounds like "SORRY", right?

These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home an hour later from a completely different direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from themselves.Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this afternoon?"The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie. Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."At this revelation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys severely and sent them to bed without supper.In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the breakfast table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their father finally said, "Have you two learned your lesson?""Sure, more...

One burning summer afternoon a woman is at the local community swimming pool when she notices a man smoking a cigarette underwater.

She is astounded that such a thing can be so she asks him how he does it.

"It's easy." He said. "I just use a condom."

"Where can I get them?" The woman asked.

"Just go into any drugstore and ask for them." The man tells her.

The next day she goes into her area drugstore and asks the clerk for a condom.

"Any particular kind?" He asks.

"Yes," she replied. "One that will fit a camel."

Saint Peter had a terrible cold and fever and didn't think he would last the day minding the Pearly Gates of Heaven. So he phoned Jesus to ask for the day off. "Why, Peter," Jesus said. "You know your health is my first
concern. Take as much time as you need."As Jesus pondered who he might use to replace Peter, he decided to handle the job himself. It was a very slow day and no one approached the Gates until late in the afternoon, when in the distance, Jesus saw a bent, white-haired old man slowly making his way up the path with the aid of a gnarled cane. As the man neared, Jesus said, "Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you?""Well," replied the man, "I was hoping to enter the Gates of Heaven.""We would certainly love to have you," said Jesus, "but we do have certain rules as to who can enter Heaven. Tell me, what have you done to deserve such an honor?""Actually, I have done nothing so wonderful more...

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to
appear for a minor traffic summons.

He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.

"WHAT FOR?!?!?" he snapped at the judge.

The Judge, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:
"That's all right. You don't have to pay now."

The guy replied...
"I know - I'm just seeing if I have enough for 2 more words!"

A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed: "Come and bury my wife.""But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker."I got married again," the man sobbed."Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations."

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair.
One afternoon they couldn’t contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love.
When they were finished they fell asleep and didn’t wake up till 8 o’clock.
They got dressed quickly. Then the man told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn.
Bewildered, she does as he asks (thinking he’s pretty weird).
The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door.
Upset, she asks where he’s been.
The man replies “I cannot tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair.
Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love then fell asleep.
That’s why I’m late. ”
The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, “I see those grass stains on your shoes. You’ve been playing golf again, haven’t you! ”