Afternoon Jokes / Recent Jokes

While out for an afternoon walk, a priest turns the corner and finds Little Johnny with a hammer, smashing the daylights out of a bunch of ants. The kid is saying to himself, "I hate these damn, fucking ants... I hate these damn, fucking ants."
Taken back by the young boy's language, the priest stops and talks to him, telling him that God doesn't make junk. "Tomorrow I will be coming by again," the priest said, "and if you can tell me three things that God created that are worthless, then I will let you continue killing the ants."
The following afternoon, the priest is out for his walk and comes upon Little Johnny smashing ants again. The priest reminds him of the agreement they made, saying the boy agreed not to kill any more ants unless he could name three things that God created that are worthless.
Little Johnny looks up with a devilish smile and says, "I do know three things that are totally worthless. The first is a dick on a priest, more...

One morning as Professor Jones was leaving for the university his wife told her absent-minded husband, "Don't forget we are moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon it will be empty."

Predictably he didn't remember until he found the house vacated that afternoon. He mumbled to himself, "And where was it we were moving to?"

He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl, "Did you see a moving van here today, little girl?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Would you know which way it went?"

She looked up at him and said, "Yes, Daddy, I'll show you."

1. This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized in both ends.

2. Tuesday at 4 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk come early.

3. Thursday at 5 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All ladies wishing to be Little Mothers please meet with the pastor in his study.

4. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg at the altar.

5. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.

6. A bean super will be held on Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.

7. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Belzer.

8. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

9. Remember more...

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair.
One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they
rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon
making passionate love. When they were finished they fell
asleep and didn't wake up till 8 o'clock.
They got dressed quickly. Then the man told his secretary
to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn.
Bewildered, she does as he asks (thinking he's pretty weird).
The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door.
Upset, she asks where he's been. The man replies "I cannot
tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today
we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon
making love then fell asleep. That's why I'm late."
The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and
says, "I see those grass stains on your shoes. You've been
playing golf again, haven't you!?"

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.

Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. Used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted more...

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One
afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place
where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were
finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock that night.
They got dressed quickly. Then the man asked his secretary to take his
shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she did as he asked,
thinking him pretty weird. The man finally got home and his wife met him at the
door. Upset, she asked where he'd been. The man replied, "I can not tell a lie.
My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the
afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That's why I'm late."
The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes, and yelled, "I can
see those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU LIAR! You've been playing golf
again, haven't you?"

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food.", The poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with me too!", he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The second man answered. "Bring them as well!" They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The rich man replied "No, you don't understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall!"