Air Force Jokes / Recent Jokes

When my son was in the Air Force, my wife and I visited quite often. On our first visit, we were allowed inside this top secret Communications Center, but everything in sight was covered up so we could look around everywhere -- Heck, even the toilet paper in the Men's room was disguised.Anyway, at the exit, there's a sign above the door, which reads: “You have been exposed to Top Secret Material. Please destroy yourself before leaving the building.”

During the second Gulf War, I was an Air Force colonel. I routinely flew on different aircraft to familiarize myself with their capabilities. One day I was aboard an intelligence aircraft where each crew member was surrounded by complex gear.A young major showed me his computer screen. "That's a chat screen, Sir,"
the soldier said. "We use it to relay enemy information to the crew. It's like instant messaging."Nodding, I moved down the line. Flashing on an airman's screen several feet away was this warning: "Heads up! The colonel's on the way!"

While being transported to basic training as a new enlistee of the Air National Guard, I accidentally opened a parachute in the rear of the C-47. The plane was piloted by a major and a captain, and I felt intimidated as I opened the cockpit door to confess what I had done.Expecting to be severely chastised, I was surprised by the captain's calm response. "Well, son," he said, "if this plane goes down, that chute is yours."

The band at Ellsworth Air Force Base, South Dakota, was required to play for all generals who arrived on base. One morning, when the commanding officer heard on the radio that a General Frost was expected just after noon, he sent the band scrambling to the flight line with instruments.One of the musicians had also heard the radio announcement. He took the C.O. aside for a whispered conference. When they returned, the officer told us the performance was canceled.There was no arriving general. We had almost played for the weather forecast.

One day, at the dry-cleaning shop of a local Air Force Base, I overheard a young airman describe in great detail how he wanted his uniform cleaned and pressed.When he finished, the counter clerk asked, "Are you getting an award, or do you have an important military function to attend?""Nothing like that," the airman said. "I'm going home on leave, and my little brother is taking me to his second-grade class for show-and-tell."