Airline Jokes / Recent Jokes
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:1. From a Southwest Airlines employee... "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"5. After a particularly rough landing during more...
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says' Do Not Disturb'!"
I always get to the airport early, so I'll remember what I forgot in time to go back home and get it.
It was bound to happen. Airline fares have become so complicated, it's now cheaper to fly to some destinations than to stay home.
The airline I use has made a major improvement in its in-flight food. On many flights they're stopped serving it.
I don't think they should perform random drug testing on all airline employees - just test the ones who keep changing the fares.
Unlike cars, airline seats don't have airbags. But you often end up sitting next to one.
It was a "No Frills" airline:
They didn't sell tickets, they sold chances
All the insurance machines in the terminal were sold out
Before the flight, the passengers got together and elected a pilot
If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back
You could not board the plane unless you had the exact change
Before we took off, the stewardess told us to fasten our Velcro
The Captain asked all the passengers to chip in a little for gas
When they pulled the steps away, the plane started rocking
The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway
You ask the Captain how often their planes crash. He sez, "Just once"
No movie. Didn't need one. Your life kept flashing before your eyes
You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane
All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel
DOS Airline:
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they
jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground
again, then they push again, jump on again and so on.
DOS with QEMM Airline:
The same thing but with more leg room to push.
Mac Airline:
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers,
and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the
same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are
told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and that
everything will be done for you without you having to know,
so just shut up.
OS/2 Airline:
To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different
times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill out a
form showing where you want to sit and whether the plane should
look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train, or a bus.
If you succeed in getting on board the plane and the plane
succeeds in getting more...
Brussels Airlines is a Belgian airline based at Brussels Airport. It operates to over 50 destinations in 20 European countries, as well as long-haul flights to East, Central and West Africa. Brussels Airlines was created following the merger of SN Brussels Airlines (SNBA) and Virgin Express.
The logo the letter b in lower case, made up of a series of red elipses.
The "b" in a contemporary design style, symbolises both Brussels and Belgium.
In graphic terms, the "b" is made up of a series of ellipses that represent the extended network of the airline, as well as the ground lights on an airport runway.
The blue is a reminder of the values that are carried forward from SN Brussels Airlines while the red recalls the "low cost" colours of Virgin Express. In the airline sector, blue is generally reassuring and reliable while red is youthful and dynamic.
Most planes have an altered' b' logo after superstitious travellers complained more...
It was mealtime during a trip on a small airline in the Northwest.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in coach.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.