Airlines Jokes / Recent Jokes

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. .. it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms more...

What is a Sikh scuba diver called? Jal-A ndhar-Singh.
What is history of Punjab called? Sarson-Da-Saga.
What would Punjabi International Airlines be called? Kitthe Pacific.
What would Punjabi National Airlines be named? lithe Pacific.
What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer? Just-beer Singh.
What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink? Just-one Singh.
What is a Sindhi lawyer called? Case-wani.
What is a Sindhi lawyer chasing a case called? Purse- wani.
What is a communist Sindhi called? Lalwani.
What is a Sindhi who falls from the first floor called? Thadani.
What is a Sindhi who falls from the 30th floor called? Marjani.
What do you call a very rich Malayalee? Million Iyer.

U heard each of the religions r having their own airplane companies now? Each with it's own motto...
Baptist Airlines: No drinking, smoking or dancing in the aisles...
Catholic Lines: All our attendants wear black
Methodist Flys: Drinks for Everybody!
Jehovah Witness Wings: No matter how short your bathroom "visit"... we KEEP knocking at the door..
How much sin can I get away with & STILL get to heaven...
Rainy www

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on. . .

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes more...

Acronyms for International Airlines
Italy
ALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In Arrival
ALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia
Britain
BOAC = Better on a camel Belgium
SABENA = Such A Bloody Experience Never Again
Pakistan
PIA = Please, Inform Allah
Yugoslavia
JAT = Joke About Time
Pacific Western Airlines
PWA = Pray While Aloft
PWA = Please Wait Awhile Airlines
Trans World Airlines = Teeney Weeny Airlines.

Acronyms for International Airlines
Italy
ALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In Arrival
ALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia
--------------------------–
Britain
BOAC = Better on a camel
--------------------------–
Belgium
SABENA = Such A Bloody Experience Never Again
--------------------------–
Pakistan
PIA = Please, Inform Allah
--------------------------–
Yugoslavia
JAT = Joke About Time
--------------------------–
Pacific Western Airlines
PWA = Pray While Aloft
PWA = Please Wait Awhile Airlines
--------------------------–
Trans World Airlines = Teeney Weeny Airlines.

A Delta Airlines pilot was badly embarrassed about the a particularly rough landing. He was reluctantly fulfilling company policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited. Nevertheless he stood there and gave each person a smile, and said:' Thanks for flying Delta.'

He had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, awaiting that inevitable harsh comment on the landing, which by extension would impugn his professional skills and probably his manhood as well.

There were fewer smiles than normal, but no comments. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said,' Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?'

'Why no M'am,' said the pilot,' what is it?'

The little old lady said,' Did we just land or were we shot down?'