Airport Jokes / Recent Jokes

She tripped over a cordless phone.
She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate.
"
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
She studied for a blood test.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She sold the car for gas money!

President Bush said the recent airline bomb plot arrests are a "stark reminder" that the U.S. is "at war with Islamic fascists."
But he is confident that victory will soon belong to us, the Christian fascists.

The plot involved several people attempting to bring liquid explosives aboard several jetliners, to which airport officials responded by not allowing anyone to bring any liquid of any kind aboard.
Good thing no one was trying to bring a solid explosive as well, otherwise nothing would be allowed on board. Except for gas and plasma (which can be an unpleasant mix).

Via LA Times

"I see London, I see France..."

New airport body scanners at LAX can see if you are concealing a knife, gun, or fake boobs. For example, this woman has a tail, and will not be allowed to fly.

A study examining cell phone useage and brain tumors was generally inconclusive. The only certain conclusion: obnoxious businessmen who screamed into their phones the second their flights landed were more likely to experience sudden head-slap injuries.

In Mumbai Thursday, the father, mother and son of Ayub Kolsawala, one of those held in Amsterdam after an incident on a flight to India.

PARIS, Aug. 24 - Dutch authorities said Thursday that they were releasing all 12 passengers arrested on Wednesday after they aroused susp*cion on a Northwest Airlines flight to India and it made an emergency landing in Amsterdam.
The men, all Indian citizens or of Indian descent, had aroused the susp*cion of the crew and several federal air marshals when they began using and passing around cellphones soon after takeoff from Amsterdam, and ignored orders to keep their seat belts on and stay in their seats.
In a related story, Sprint tech support had over one-hour waits since 12 of their employees were unable to get to work.

(source: Rex Loring, former RAF pilot)
Air-to-ground conversation involving BOAC pilot approaching Karachi
(Pakistan) International Airport:
Pilot: Speedbird 7-0-7 here. Request permission to land on runway 42-
Left.
Tower: Sorry, Speedbird 7-0-7. Runway 42-Left is closed. There was an
unfortunate incident yesterday. But you are cleared for landing on runway
19-Right.
Pilot: Roger Karachi tower. Proceeding on approach pattern.
[As the pilot enters final approach, he is appalled to see a 747 taking
off from that runway and heading straight at him. After taking violent
evasive action, the conversation resumes]
Pilot: Karachi Tower. What is going on ?? You cleared me for landing
on runway 19-Right, but there was another plane taking off from there !!!
Tower: Oh dear. I do hope we will not have a repeat of yesterday.

A photographer from a well know national magazine
was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.
The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the
fire fighters as they battled the blaze.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke
was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it
impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level.
He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos
from the air. His request was approved and arrangements
were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where
a plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport
and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with
his bag and shouted, "Let's go!'' The pilot swung the little
plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.
The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three
low passes so I can take some more...