Alec Jokes / Recent Jokes
The school teacher was furious when Alec knocked him down with his new bicycle in the playground.
' Don't you know how to ride that yet?' he roared.
' Sure!' shouted Alec over his shoulder.' It's the bell I can't work yet!'
An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper.' Alec! ' yelled the teacher,' you've done nothing. Why?'
' Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do! '
Knock Knock Who's there? Alec! Alec who? Alec-tricity. Isn't that a shock! Knock Knock Who's there? Alec! Alec who? Alec my lolly! Knock Knock Who's there? Alex! Alex who? Alex the questions round here! Knock Knock Who's there? Adair! Adair who? Adair once but I'm bald now! Knock Knock Who's there? Adlai! Adlai who? Adlai a bet on that!
We can't get to the phone right now...leave a message...beep
alec baldwin: you have insulted me for the last time...you don't have the brains or decency...i'm going to straigthen your ass out...you are a rude, thoughtless, little pig...
ireland: hello, daddy...what did i do?
Alec: I'm sorry honey...i thought i was calling uncle daniel
Tom Cruise, Steven Seagal, and Alec Baldwin were in a jungle filming a movie. Sadly, they were taken prisoner by the local tribe. As they were about to be executed, they begged the queen of the tribe for mercy.
She considered their plea and said, "Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed." The three stars looked at each other and agreed. They then went into the jungle to look for some food.
Tom Cruise was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. She tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of them up his ass. The servants finished their duty, leaving him screaming.
Seagal was the next to arrive with some yummy apples. The same thing happened to him, but curiously he laughed as the apples were shoved up his ass.
Tom Cruise was shocked. Here he was with grapes up his ass howling in pain, but Seagal had several apples in his ass and he was still laughing. He asked him more...
Alec Baldwin is set to write a book on the injustices faced by divorced dads. That's fair, as he's already written the book on bad parenting.