Alligator Jokes / Recent Jokes
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for
Gramma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
Knock Knock Who's there! Alligator! Alligator who? Alligator for her birthday was a card!
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After more...
What is worse than an alligator with toothache? A centipede with athlete's foot!
One day a blonde lady went to a local Florida Department Store to buy a pair of alligator shoes. As she was looking at a very nice pair of shoes she noticed the very expensive price. She didn't have enough to pay for the shoes, and she was outraged. She marched right up to the counter and told the clerk exactly what she thought of him.
She left very angrily, but on her way out she made a comment to the clerk and in that comment she said,"With prices like these I should just go out buy me a gun and kill my own alligators."
the clerk replied very sarcastically,"Good Luck!"
The clerk went on with his day not even thinking about the lady that came in early.
As he was locking up to go home at the end of the day something caught his eye. There in the swamp was the lady waist deep with a gun in her hand. At that moment something else caught his eye, off to the left about 25 yards away was an alligator swimming right towards her.
The man started jumping more...
A snobbish tourist was visiting a small Australian village when he noticed a local man wearing a highly ornate necklace that featured 10 alligator teeth.
He approached the man and in a condescending manner said, "Goodness, what a fancy necklace! I guess you people must value alligator teeth the same way my people value pearls."
The man replied, "Well, anyone can open up an oyster."
A man walks into a bar, with a huge alligator on a leash. He
walks over to the bar, and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "Sorry sir. You can't bring that alligator in
here! It's a dangerous animal, and you're scaring all of the patrons!
True enough, the man looked around, and noticed that everyone was
standing on the tables, looking very nervous.
"But wait!" he cried, "this alligator is tame! It wouldn't hurt
anyone!" However, the bartender is adamant. "If," the man
continues, "I can prove that this alligator is not vicious, can he
stay?"
"Well, I guess so," says the bartender, "however, you're going to
have a devil of a time proving to everyone in here that tha
alligator is tame!"
The man smiles, and leans over the alligator. "Ralph!" he shouts,
"Sit up!" With that, he beats the alligator on the head with his
fist "BANG BANG more...