Alligator Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the' no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted,' Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'

The shopkeeper said,' By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!'

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The more...

This guy goes into a bar leading a half-sized alligator on a leash. The bartender yells at him, “You can’t bring that animal In here! ”
The man says, “This isn’t just any old alligator, he knows tricks. I’ll show you. ” He lets the alligator climb up on the bar, Then says, “This alligator can hold his mouth open for any length of time you say, to the exact second. Name a time. ”
So, the bartender says “47 seconds? The man says, “OK, when I say go, start your watch. Go! ” The alligator opens its mouth Wide, while the bartender watches his mouth. The man says, “To prove how much confidence I have in my pet, I’m going to lay my Dick in his mouth. But, just for safety’s sake, start counting the seconds from 45 on. ” The man does so, and when the Bartender starts saying “45…46…47. ” right when he says 48 the man pulls back his dick and the alligator’s mouth snaps Shut.
Everyone at the bar was very impressed with this stunt. The man more...

One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could. "Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked."I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!""Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!""Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen." Where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him." I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma," exclaimed Johnny." There's a big ol' alligator down there!""Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!""Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC? Because it was on old croc.

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Inverness, FLA 71-yearl-old man fell off a dock and into the jaws of an alligator but said his knowledge of reptiles, gained from watching wildlife programs on television, helped him escape."I wasn't a bit afraid. I knew what they usually do," said George Blinn, who got away from the 7-foot gator by jabbing his thumb in its eye. Blinn said he has long been a fan of such programs as Wild Kingdom and knew about alligators' general behavior. He got the chance to use that knowledge when he fell into the canal behind his house. Blinn said the alligator bit him on the left hand and then flopped him over in the water three times before Blinn escaped.