Amritsar Jokes

There was a Sardarji who was running a business at Delhi with branch offices at Ambala and Amritsar. One day he decided to visit his branch offices, and boarded a night train. He kept himself awake till 2 a. m., and when the train reached Ambala at 2. 20 a. m., he was fast asleep and woke up only when the train reached Amristar. He was unhappy, but decided to visit Ambala on his way back to Delhi. Again he boarded a night train, and kept himself awake till 3 a. m., but when the train reached Ambala at 3. 30 a. m., he was fast asleep, and woke up only when the train was steaming into Delhi. This happened three to four times. He was either landing up at Delhi or at Amritsar, always missing Ambala by sleeping off. So naturally he got worried.
He narrated his problem to a close friend who said, "You are a rich man, so why don't you travel by 1st class. The coach attendant will wake you up, a little before Ambala, and you can travel in comfort." The advice was logical, and more...

Lehna bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandhar to meet his friend.
He reached Jalandhar in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach Amritsar that evening and not even the next day. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran out, hugged him and asked,' Arre puttar, ki hoya?'
Lehna got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,' Oy, ye Mrutti wale pagal hain, agge janne waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaan waaste sirf ik.' (These Maruti-makers are. crazy: they make four gears to go forward, but only one to go backward.)

A Khalistan Roadways bus plying between the state's major towns had a Nihang conductor.' Where to?' he asked a young Sikh passenger before issuing him a ticket.
'Amritsar,' replied the youngster.
The Nihang conductor gave him a clout on the head and said,' It is Sri Amritsar Sahib.'
The youngster quickly corrected himself,' Yes, of course! One for Sri Amritsar Sahib.'
The next passenger was a Hindu.' Where to?' asked the Nihang.
'Sri Ludhian Sahib,' replied the other timidly.
He too was rewarded with a clout on the head.' Only Ludhiana, no Sri or Sahib admonished the Nihang before issuing him a ticket.
The third passenger happended to be a worldlywise Marwari. When asked for his destination, he replied;' Nihangji kindly give me a ticket for Sri Amritsar Sahib; thereafter I will go on foot to my village.'
The Nihang was pleased: if you are not completing your journey by this bus, no need for a ticket-shikcet,' replied the Nihang.

Santa arrived in his village from Amritsar in a very sombre mood. His clothes were torn and the geography his body was like a picturesque place affected by earthquake, which had uprooted almost evrything.
When his dear friend Banta saw this state of Santa. He was in a state of shock. Banta enquired from Santa, the reason of this bad state.
Santa informed Banta that when he boarded the flight from Birmingham to Amritsar, he was looking for familiar faces to pass the journey. And he came across his colleague Jack, who was visiting India as a tourist.
Not able to hide my expression, I said, "Hi Jack" from a distance. And suddenly the Air marshals swooped on me and in no time, I was on the ground. On landing at Amritsar, I was handed to the Police and they are responsible for this sorry state. I was saved by the timely intereference of Jack and The Superintendent of Police, who turned out to be from my Wife, Jeeto's village.

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" "Just a sec", says the rep.
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.