Angel Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man to his friend: My Wife is an Angel!!!

Friend: Oh man, mine is still ALIVE!!!!

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip.
As he pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped. So, he had to take them off and put on another pair, which was a bit too tight. He then went to check on the rest of the preparations.
The elves were on strike. The reindeer had shin-splints. At this point, Santa was BUMMED.
He went into the kitchen to take a calming drink, and the bottle was EMPTY. Now he was really mad. All of sudden, there was a knock at the door.
Santa, in his angry state, ignored it. There was another knock. Santa was in no mood for all of this. When the knock came again, Santa -filled with rage- threw open the door.
Standing there was a little angel who said, "Hi Santa! What do you want me to do with this Christmas Tree?" Hence...the story of the Angel atop the tree.

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip.As he pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped. So, he had to take them off and put on another pair, which was a bit too tight. He then went to check on the rest of the preparations.The elves were on strike. The reindeer had shin-splints. At this point, Santa was BUMMED.He went into the kitchen to take a calming drink, and the bottle was EMPTY. Now he was really mad. All of sudden, there was a knock at the door.Santa, in his angry state, ignored it. There was another knock. Santa was in no mood for all of this. When the knock came again, Santa -filled with rage- threw open the door.Standing there was a little angel who said, "Hi Santa! What do you want me to do with this Christmas Tree?" Hence...the story of the Angel atop the tree.

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for you."
"What do you mean," he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?"
"45? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel.
"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."
"Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you are 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..."

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes. She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, "what are you supposed to say sweetheart?"The little girl looks up at the woman and says "Twick or Tweat!" The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time." Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!" The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girls Treat Bag. The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, "Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!"

Two nude statues (one male and one female) had been standing in the middle of a beautiful park for 99 years. On their 100th anniversary in the park an angel came down from heaven to talk to the statues. He said to them, "God has been watching you for the past 100 years and has been very pleased with the two of you. So pleased in fact that he has decided to grant you a wish of becoming human for a short time." The angel then went on to say that they would be human for fifteen minutes and will finally be able to pleasure themselves in a manner in which they have only fantasized about for the last 100 years. The statues were so excited they could hardly believe it. The second they became human they ran off together behind the bushes. The angel heard the rustling of the bushes and shouts of joy and laughter. After 10 minutes the statues returned from behind the bushes sweating and laughing. The angel told the statues that they still had 5 more minutes. The male statue quickly more...

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the
cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had worked while making the
toys. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. To make matters worse, they had
taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree. Santa was furious. "I can't
believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours - all of my reindeer are
drunk, the elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid Little Angel out HOURS
ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?" Just then, the Little Angel opened the
front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. He says, "Yo, fat man! Where do
you want me to stick the tree this year?"
And thus the more...