Angel Jokes / Recent Jokes

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for you."

"What do you mean," he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?"

"45? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel.

"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."

"Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you are 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..."

Once Lalloo, S Wife Rabdi Devi Dies And Goes To Heaven. There She Meet The Angel. He Tells Her To Wait For Him While He Sorts
Out Some Problem. While Waiting She Notices That There Are More Than 90 Clocks In The Room And Each Clock Had Just One Hand
Which Was Moving At Different Speed. She Gets Confused And Asks The Angel On His Return The Meaning Of This. He Explains That
Hey Were The Clocks Of Lie That Means That Every Time A Person Lies The Hand Of The Clovk Moves. Saying So He Starts
Introducing Her To Each Clock."This Is Mother Teressa's Clock Which Never Moved In Her Life, This Gandhiji's Clock Which
Moved Only Three Times, This Is Parvez Musharaff's Which Moves Ever Few Minutes...." So On He Told Her. At The End She Asked
Him "Bhai! Hamre Lallooji Ki Ghadi Kaha Hove?"(Where Is Ny Lallo's Clock?)The Angel Tells Her "Oh That! I Use It As A Fan In
My Room."

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip. .. but there were problems everywhere.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

Frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of more...

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly Gates.
The Angel explains that admission requirements are now a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have managed to slip into Heaven without being detected.
He queries the first candidate: "What was your annual salary, and what was your profession?"
"I made $150,000 as an Attorney" comes the reply.
"You may enter" says the Angel.
Second candidate, same question. "I made $95,000; I was a realtor."
He is also permitted to enter. Now it is the third man's turn.
"My annual salary was $8,000."
"Cool!" replies the Angel, "and what instrument did you play?"

On their way to church to get married, a couple is killed when a truck driver goes to sleep at the wheel and his rig crashes head on into their VW bug. St. Peter welcomes them at the pearly gates and invites them in.
The woman isn't so sure. "Actually, we were on our way to get married," she explains, "and unless we have your word we can get married here, too, we're not interested." St. Peter is a bit taken aback, but sends an angel off to make inquiries.
A year, a decade, a century go by, and still teh couple sits at the gate waiting for an answer. Meanwhile, they have been thinking, and decide that they need to know if divorces are possible in heaven too. After all, the marriage might not work.
Finally, the angel returns with the good news-yes-they can get married in heaven. The man rather sheepishly says "We've been talking,... and... um,... well, thanks for all the trouble....but what if we don't get along... could we get a divorce here as more...

A young man dies and goes to Heaven, where he finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is admitting the newly arrived to Heaven.The angel tells the three new arrivals that because so many drug dealers and other criminals have managed to sneak into Heaven that St. Peter must now be a little
stricter with the screening process. Each person is required to state his former occupation and tell his or her yearly salary.The first man in line says, “I was an actor, and I earned $1 million last year.”The angel says, “Okay, you may enter.” He turns to the woman in line and asks her about her life.She states, “I earned $150,000 as an attorney.” The angel thinks for a moment and then lets her in, too.He turns to the third one in line and asks, “What have you done with your life?”The man replies, “I earned $8,000 last year. . . ”“Oh,” the angel interrupts. “What did you teach?”